Generations Dominated by the Presence of Women

She carried me amongst her womb and just shy of full term I deemed it necessary to be present in this world! I was a sly 6lbs 3oz and suffered with a bout of jaundice at birth being premature, but I was born to a family full of love and an absence of father figures.

Residing with my maternal grandmother, I instinctively felt connected and nurtured by a woman that was the matriarch of our family. A woman devoted to ensuring the families needs were met, who raised us in the church, who had the strength of an army and worked 4 jobs, who never seemed to have a bad day, who protected all those she loved and who befriended a stranger in passing too easily. All this displayed by one woman led by her faith in God and her love for all. She too was a woman succeeding and achieving with the absence of a husband and father to her four daughters.

While my mother worked 2 jobs to support herself through university in Canada, I was supported by my grandmother, aunts, cousins as well as neighbours, friends, educators and others invested in my growth and development over the elementary years. My mother offered me the opportunity to attend elementary school for a year, at the age of 7 I believe, at St Frances Xavier in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Here is where I learned to speak French fluently. The experiences I gained in Canada were extremely influential and beneficial to my individual growth and development as I was able to continue my love for gymnastics as well as explore new social settings and experiences.

After returning to Bermuda, I began private instruction in French and continued to participate in gymnastics. I commenced dance at the age of 12 which is where my love for the art began and I also attended a top ranked private high school. At this time, my mother had married my step father which created the “nuclear family” and we welcomed my little brother and my step brother as well. Being raised mainly be my grandmother, I found this new family structure quite challenging and although I had a love for my very caring step father, I missed the attention to detail and stability I had become accustomed to for the previous 12 years of my life.

Family life was busy and honestly I don’t remember much of the time we would have had together as a family between two working parents, school, my social life and dance. A realm I had undoubtedly created which was purely self centred at this time I am sure – I must confer with my mom on this. Dance was my daily life. I spent every evening, and my weekends stuck creating, composing and learning on the dance floor.

During my fundamental years of growth, I had had women shape and curve my experiences. I had been encouraged to be ambitious, set goals, strive to better myself, engage in positive relationships, and most importantly to love! I had been offered the tools to become successful as a hardworking, independent woman but my mother also feared this strength may also be a family weakness. We had been built to withstand any challenge yet we had not been taught to acknowledge and accept someone else who could quite possibly assist in our growth, accept and support our weaknesses and carry us if we fall because we were taught to pick ourselves up. We had not been taught to soften.

I’ve read many articles in my 36, almost 37 years of existence, indicating the effects of being raised by a single parent and I can confirm that I have never felt isolated, victimised, at a loss, or hindered in any way. My relationships with males and females have not been impaired due to the family module I was presented from birth, they were experiences I developed and encountered due to my own personal preference and experimentation. This does not mean I have not been impacted negatively, many may believe lacking a male role model in your daily life has huge effects on the relationships encountered in the adult or teen years. I ascertained my relationships early on were quite typical of a teenager but again I must confer with my mother. I do not believe I was ever raised in a broken home, in fact, I feel the complete opposite. My home was exuding love, understanding, trust, honesty and a sheer respect for all of our needs within the family.

So many individuals break their own spirits, live unfulfilled, unhappy and loveless lives to maintain this “nuclear family” appeal, yet the toxicity in the home becomes so detrimental to all within the four walls and even beyond. A family is made up of individuals who provide love and support for all within the family no matter its makeup. Most believe my blended family now has that fairytale, happy ever after ending, as I’m married to a beautiful and supportive man but in all honesty, we always had a beautiful tale, we just now have another amazing character added to the script. The tale continues on…