Finding the Flow of Four Boys!!

This has been a long time coming, not having four boys, let’s clear the air there, but a post regarding what my day-to-day life is like with four Mini men!! While we are at it, I’ll throw in the man-child as well as let’s face its…there’s not much variance between the two!

It’s morning, and as I peer from the room I inhale the over abundance of testosterone in the air, especially if it’s been a warm night. The Scentsy wax bar stock is low or has been depleted so the remedy? Your new best friend….Glen 20! Forget toxins in the air, hayfever, or waiting for a climate change and a sudden tropical storm to accumulate gail force winds strong enough to eradicate the hovering smell, just a deep press of the finger on the Glen 20 can and “Bob’s Your Uncle” actually Howard is mine…problem solved!

So now that your nostrils are revived and you can let out a sigh of relief, the males awaken in the household. Awaiting the kettle to boil, because coffee is imminent, you hear the morning event in the loo with full commentary as if a play-by-play of the Comm Loo Games is necessary. Not only are you abreast with size, shape, colour, consistency, splash back or lack thereof, quantity, density and buoyancy, but you are also extremely aware of the sound and odour due to the males inability to SHUT THE DOOR! Yet again, the Glen 20 is in arms reach to save the day!

You sit on the couch and reach for the remote only to gaze back into the kitchen to see the herd ravaging the cupboards and fridge for something to stuff their faces with, but you cringe because you are 99.9% certain they never washed their hands after their Comm Loo Games!! So as they pass through the kitchen releasing their particles onto all surfaces and onto each other you inhale and exhale because deep breaths are required due to your inner disgust…and you surface clean with Dettol antibacterial wipes….or Glen 20!

Throughout the day the need to ‘adjust’ themselves because they are sweaty, their balls are sticking to their penis, the underpants are sticking to their penis, they don’t know why they are picking at their penis, is bemusing!! Fascinated with their attachment to their manhood you wonder why you don’t find yourself cupping your breasts or ‘adjusting’ your labia throughout the day! I’m just as flabbergasted as you! If they aren’t scratching, rubbing or picking their body parts or excrements you retrieve a thermometer to confirm they are in good health!

Let’s not forget the constant reiteration! You have now become completely turned off of your own voice. You’re so repulsed by the many octaves, repetitive phrases, as you issue instructions that you’ve given up verbal communication and instead issue sign language or eyeball language is its replacement because you’ve expelled too much of your daily allowance of energy. You’ve over exerted yourself and let’s face it….it’s probably only 9am!!

There’s always dirty footprints through the house, hand marks on corners and walls which you fear to test smell and the brood are incessantly hungry!! Every meal they engulf as if it’s their first intake for a year and if you’re lucky only one will actually chew with any decorum proving you have enforced table manners but of course selective hearing prevails! You even check the last time you wormed them wondering if there are a village of huge worms consuming the nourishment prior to entering their tummy pits! Shall I delve into the severe inability to remain motionless? Attempting to develop the ‘keep still’ skillset will deplete your energy reserves and prove a futile exercise, leaving you to accept defeat in this battle! Do so gracefully and utilise your energy elsewhere, there are bigger ‘fish to fry’!

If it can be slammed it will be, this includes the toilet seat. Either males do not understand their overwhelming innate strength or they just love the sound of things braking which than brings the need for fixing! Ooooo but fixing things…either you are blessed with able hands or in my case, able to commence unable to complete! Taking the rubbish out is done in parts, yet you know you could carry the rubbish, a car seat, a suitcase full of clothes and a toddler if need be plus a hot coffee. Your lawn, which is barely a yard space is also done in parts. A foot by foot patch is selected for the week and by the time another area is pruned the initial ‘landscaped’ patch is overgrown and welcoming wildlife! This ignites and inspires you to embrace the task at hand yourself, and you discover an overwhelming feeling of self accomplishment. The task may have taken a significant time longer but you can graciously pat yourself on the back for your achievements!

If anything goes missing, search the most incomprehensible areas of the house. Missing a sock, ok bad example, missing a pair of shorts? Check the loo…the actual loo not the floor! With the mention of loo, it seems every male refuses to utilise the perfectly huge circle manufactured to capture your excrements! The man-child loves a splashback, the eldest loves the surrounding floor or seemingly prefers the bath tub, middle #1 is successful and middle #2 is still in nappies but figured the shower is a great dumping zone! Hubby, aka man-child, has a hidden obsession with towel sculptures and the free admission invites a spectacular view each visit to the men’s toilet! These towel displays are extremely inviting for the eldest who enjoys watering the sculptures….speechless! I’m going to test the males in the household to see who can discover how to power on the washing machine, any guesses to who would be equipped with this knowledge??

I could provide full disclosure on my day to day discoveries being the only female in a household of 6, and the best is yet to come with the littlest male being a newborn, but I’ll leave this here for you to share your stories in the comments below…